Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
