I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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