Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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