forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
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