even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
