look no pants
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
