How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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