When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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