we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
