Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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