my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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