we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
