So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
