Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just tell him i said nine months
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
