You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
did i just pee glitter
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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