I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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