so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You left your phone here
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