Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
