Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
