i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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