you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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