Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
