please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
