You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
