Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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