I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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