turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
