JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
