I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
