Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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