I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
