So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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