My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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