I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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