3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
