If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
