He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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