What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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