I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
