I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's never too late to be topless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
