I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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