i was born a porn star she said
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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