I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
