i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
