I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
