Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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