I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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