I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
