yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
