you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
