The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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