I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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