We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
