Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
