it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
