this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
