if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize