i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
