dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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