1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As shirtless as possible
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
