ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
