I wanna bring you to show and tell
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
