i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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