Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
