yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
