I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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