If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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