Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sponge bath it is.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
