nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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