I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
