Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He passed out mid-signature
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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