GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
