No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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