I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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