if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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