There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
