saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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