i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
